


A Hale of a Mistake

by bbsbxb



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Invasion of Privacy, Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-21 23:38:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbsbxb/pseuds/bbsbxb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gossipy reality TV AU</p>
<p>“The fans, oh my god ! They’re going crazy !” Stiles explained while beginning to tear his hair apart like a madman. “I don’t know how to deal with this anymore.”</p>
<p>“You mean, the fans from this reality tv crap that’s been stalking us ?” Derek frowned in a very unattractive way. Stiles just shook his head in despair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Hale of a Mistake

That night, when Derek went over to Stiles’ house for his usual threats and maiming, Stiles was, surprisingly enough, in front of his computer. The boy was now so used to his creepy ways he didn’t even flinch at seeing Derek’s scowl turn out of the blue, but instead pointed a finger at the screen.

“You have to watch this, man…” he said with such a baffled expression that Derek stopped his ranting.

“Watch what ?” he replied, unable to see Stiles’ point from where he stood.

“The fans, oh my god ! They’re going crazy !” Stiles explained while beginning to tear his hair apart like a madman. “I don’t know how to deal with this anymore.”

“You mean, the fans from this reality tv crap that’s been stalking us ?” Derek frowned in a very unattractive way. Stiles just shook his head in despair.

“Hey, no need to be rude, dude…” the cameraman unhappily remarked. Startled, Derek turned around to find the man behind him filming, along with another minion to hold the mike. They were constantly there, which apparently meant even his werewolf super powers didn't notice them anymore.

“Hey, this is a private conversation !” he grumbled, combining the complaint with one of his most effective glares.

“Well, that’s good, because this week’s episode is already wrapped up, so we just need a few more scenes for the bonus airing afterwards.” the mike man explained.

“We didn’t need to know that ! Who asked you to explain us any of that ? Just get the hell out of my room ! Or I’ll call the cops, because, by the way, there’s one just watching telly in the living room. Have you met my dad, the sheriff ?” Stiles had awakened from his apoplectic shock, but his voice was too high on the sound spectrum and too fast on the speed spectrum to scare the two intruders away. Luckily, Derek’s manly growl did just that.

“The fans…” he reminded Stiles as soon as they were finally alone.

“Okay, so do you know what shipping means ?” Stiles asked. “I don’t mean actual boats, but…”

“Yeah, I know what it means. The fans ?” Derek interrupted.

“How do I know that you know ?” Stiles opened big, innocent eyes, as annoying as ever. “You haven’t quite managed that geeky look about you yet, if you didn’t notice in the mirror this morning.”

“Stiles, I was born in the 80s, not in a cave.” Derek warned in a low voice. Stiles lifted up his hands in mock surrender, and resumed talking.

“So, besides the fact that I’m not even sure that you have electricity in that house of yours, let alone the Internet… Okay, so, I was coming to the fans part !” he added quickly as Derek got closer to the computer, and, therefore, to Stiles’ fragile human body. “It’s quite simple really. The fact that you’re always threatening me in a close-range fashion basically made some of them combine ‘Derek is the hottest guy ever !!!’ and ‘Stiles is so cute’ into ‘Sterek urgmpf’. So, what should we do ? I’m not getting near those teeth, by the way, so no kissing is ever to be arranged between our pretty little mouths.”

“Yeah.” Derek agreed, more out of reflex than real thinking. “Wait, what ?” he amended right away. “Is Sterek... like…?” Stiles nodded, pointing a finger at Derek, then at himself, and then joining his two index fingers while blowing an exaggerated kiss in the air. There was a silent moment where Derek tried to understand all the terrible implications of Sterek. He finally settled on : “But… we’re not…?”

“Just my thoughts, great wolf-o.” Stiles sighed. He slumped into his chair and repeated : “So what should we do ?”

“You’re making nasty jokes behind my back all the time !” a puzzled Derek stated. “And I’m the snappiest whenever you’re around ! Where did they get that ridiculous idea that we were…” He stopped, unable for a second to go on, and finally concluded with his most successful grimace yet : “In love !”.

“Cannon interpretation seems to be that we’re too antagonistic towards each other for it to be anything but true love.” Stiles shrugged.

“Plus I didn’t even realised I was bisexual !” Derek complained, stirring up Stiles’ attention.

“You are ?” the boy asked quickly.

“How the hell should I know, since a bunch of teenagers are apparently making life choices for me now ?” Derek went on angrily. “And it’s none of your business !”

“Well, I’m in fact known to be a very good confidante…” Stiles smiled alluringly. “So if you want to…”

“Just shut up, Stiles.” Derek snapped, feeling instantly better. “What can we do about it ?”

“Er… Deny it, confirm it or ignore it, I guess…” Stiles rationalized, then pedalled right back under the mighty glare. “I mean, the viable options are clearly denial or indifference.”  
“Denial.” Derek ordered.

“Yeah, but that’s the hardest, man…” Stiles pointed out. “All we say, they can just take as false pretending, or even worse, oblivious denial buried deep into our brains.”

“So because I don’t love you, I’m not being true to who I really am ?” Derek indignantly questioned.

“Wow, no need to get personal here !” Stiles protested, standing up to his scary companion of misfortune. “I guess I might want to remind you at this point that I don’t love you either, alright ? In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m the one that loves the other less !”

“Alright…” Derek finally grumbled after a staring contest none of them won. “When you say some of them, how many exactly is it ? 10% or 90% ?”

“I wouldn’t know, since these are only the reactions from the Internet user fans…” Stiles sighed again and sat back in front of his computer, staring moodily at the screen. “I mean, I’m sure that there are plenty of other people that don’t think like that. Or more like it, who don’t care at all about our sex lives. But then the probability that they are watching crap reality tv is kind of low, so they’re probably not fans anyway, and they probably don’t even know who we are. What ?” he asked, misinterpreting Derek’s scowl. “Hey, I like crap tv, I’m not judging there. I just know what I watch it for, okay, and let’s be honest, it’s not for the Nietzsche references.”

“If people like you didn't watch those stupid programs, we wouldn’t have to deal with this.” Derek complained. “Should we ask for… some help ?”

“I know you like Scott a lot, but let us not involve his brilliant schemes, alright ?” Stiles quickly retorted. “This is bad enough without having to tell everybody. I mean, have you seen all the stuff that goes along with it ? I bet there’s no type of sex that we haven’t had with each other yet. Writing, drawing, videos, you name it, they’ve done it !”

“Just stop it already ! I wasn't thinking about Scott.” Derek clarified. Stiles mouthed “my hero” with a fainting gesture, and swiftly avoided physical retribution. “What about Peter ? No, but, I mean… He loves the attention.”

“ This.” Stiles pointed out in a furious tone. “This is the reason they’re all after us. Do you have actual brain damage ? You weren’t even involved in that fire, so it can’t be the fumes, not like Peter… but still, what happened for you to always choose the worst possible plan ?”

“Right ! Discussing with you is useless. Your tantrums are the reason they’ve been after us !” Before Stiles could protest, Derek jumped out of the window, yelling: “Just wait and see !” 

Ten seconds later, the sheriff knocked on the door. “Alright there ?” he asked. “Dinner time.” Stiles threw his pillow against the closing door with all the strength he could muster. In the corridor, his confused father stopped, a concerned look on his face, before shaking his head and going back to the kitchen. 

* * *

A week later, Siltes was on his computer, doing his usual morning check on the news of the day, when a headline caught his attention. “A HALE OF A MISTAKE”, one newspaper proclaimed. “No way… It worked ?” Stiles mumbled, double clicking on the article.

  


A HALE OF A MISTAKE ! 

_Since the very beginning of the Lone Wolf program, the world has believed in a possible romance between doe-eyed hunk Derek Hale and cheeky twink Stiles Stilinski. Repeated denials of the fact led more than one critical fangirl to assert : “Methinks the misters protest too much…”. But our exclusive news report indicates otherwise : we got the wrong Hale !_  
 _Peter Hale is Derek’s uncle. Unlike his broody nephew, he is a sarcastic, and some would say, Stiles-sassy, fit thirtyish man, whose beautiful face does not sport the scars of the tragic event that decimated the Hale family a few years ago, a fire of which he was the only known survivor. Despite a rather wide age gap between our two lovebirds, neither could resist a playful exchange of invectives that eventually turned into more…_  


**Author's Note:**

> Long live the ships


End file.
